Starting Off Right!

How do I top 2008, it has been a year to remember in my life! I mean I can't even remember 2002 or 2003 in my life. 2008 just had so many memories and most of them were documented either on facebook or on this blog. But as much as I love reflecting on the old year, I want to look forward and express some feelings. I just finished an amazing conversation with an amazing friend of mine about it.

Failure.
I know that is a word most of us don't want to here, but I've experienced a lot of it during 2008 and prepared for it in 2009. I love how when you grow older you grow wiser, stronger and spiritual if you set your mind to it.
At the start of 2008, I felt like a total failure, in everything, felt like I wasn't doing anything right and making all the wrong decisions. It really affected who I really was and it's also affected the people around me. Through this failure period I was a completely different person, I really beat up myself and just spiral down. I never did anything that would completely ruin my life and I still had this ounce of hope in God. I'd like to say that I never gave up on him. Many people I know have given up on him so quickly it's scary. But I know deep down in my heart and soul I wasn't going to let the Man down. So that kept me from seriously harming myself.
And as the hope got stronger I was becoming more adept to God in my life.
So many times in my life, I never asked him to help me, always thinking of someone else that needed his help. Telling myself I'll be fine, help the ones that need you the most I'd say to God. Then I found myself in that position, and I hated it, I couldn't stand the fact that I failed God. I always wanted him to know that he can always count on me and when I felt like I let him down, it killed me.
That's when I gained a testimony of his love. I knew he loved me, but never how much. I also felt that I need to have a certain love rate to him from me and vice versa. And when it finally hit me that he loves me more than I can ever know, I felt that certain peace inside. And I knew that I never failed him.
Now this experience happened in the beginning of 2008, and I took that momentum and ran with it to do the most amazing things in my life. I was on that roll, I overcame things I thought I would never overcome. It was Mission: Possible for a period of time and cloud 9 was what I called home.

Then a different kind of failure hits you right at your most strongest moments. It comes to you like snakes in a field. When all of a sudden fangs are out and venom is drawn. I know that was kind of a stretch, but you know me, I love to live outside the lines and express the imagi-nation.

This certain failure is an external one, a social one and more open in the public one. You get the point. I don't like to enter my dirty laundry, but at this point if your an LDS single adult you know exactly what I mean. I always say you do the best you can and the things you cannot control you put in God's hands. This was the case and I did every possible thing in my control. And having faith to be patient, humble and willing. And in the end, in the world's eyes, I failed once more. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I handled it as best as I could. I was the hardest on myself and I handled it better than other times. What it is, is what it is and that's the bottom line.

Now there is a point to all this, this isn't Greg's I failed again blog, though my high school teachers would disagree. This is the best way to start off the New Year. To have a testimony on our "failure". Many times in my life, failure is followed by doubt. That is was my fault, that I was the reason behind it. It can also lead to finger pointing, finding other outlets. The fact is that failure is hard to deal with (I know the understatement of the century). But I feel that sometimes failure is the pink elephant in the room never to be mention. That talking about it will just make us feel more depressed about the missed chances, etc. It's now time to change that perceptive. This is an off the wall quote, but after reading it I found some very weird inspiration.

"In a world of black and white, I live in a world of gray, which allows me to do things others simply cannot do, which allows me to fall and get back up"

I will live my life to the fullest, I will achieve my dreams, I will follow my savior. And every time I fall, I get back up and I'm just a little bit stronger, a little bit wiser and a little bit more spiritual. Take that negative energy, roll it up into a ball and throw it as far as you can. And you get back on that horse, and you dusk yourself off and you press forward. Follow that righteous path, rock on and walk to God's Kingdom.

Be ready. Be prepare. 2009 is here.